Monthly Archives: March 2014

Confessions, Book 1, Chap. 13

But why did I hate the Greek language so much, which I studied as a boy?  I do not yet fully know the answer.  For I loved the Latin; not what my first masters taught me, but what the so-called grammarians teach.  For those first lessons, reading, writing, and arithmetic, I thought as great a burden and punishment as any Greek studies.  And yet where did all this come from, too, but from the sin and vanity of this life, because I was but flesh and a breath that passes away and does not come again.  For those primary lessons were better, certainly, because they were more certain.  By them I obtained and still retain the ability to read what I find written, and the ability to write what I will.  On the other hand, I was forced to learn the wanderings of one Aeneas, forgetful of my own, and to weep for Dido, dead because she killed herself for love; while at the same time with dry eyes, I brooked my wretched self dying among these things, far from You, O God of my life.

What is more wretched than a wretch who does not pity himself, weeping over the death of Dido for her love of Aeneas, but shedding no tears over his own death in not loving You, O God, Light of my heart, Bread of my inmost soul, Power that weds my mind with my inmost thought?  I did not love you, and I committed fornication against You, and all those around me who were doing the same, echoed, “Well done!  Well done!” for the friendship of this world is fornication against You, and, “Well done!  Well done!” echoes on till one is ashamed not to be such a man.  And for all this I did not weep, though I wept for Dido, slain as she sought death by the point of a sword, myself seeking the extremest and lowest level of Your creatures, having forsaken You, earth sinking to earth.  And if I were forbidden to read all this, I grieved that I was not allowed to read what grieved me.  Madness like this is considered more honorable and more fruitful learning than that by which I learned to read and write.

But now, my God, shout aloud in my soul and let Your truth tell me, “It is not so!  Far better was that first study!”  For I would rather forget the wanderings of Aeneas and all such things than how to read and write.  Over the entrance of the Grammar School a veil is hung, it is true, but this is not so much a sign of honor of the mysteries taught in them as a covering for error.  Let not those whom I no longer fear cry out against me while I confess whatever my soul desires to You, my God, and let them agree in the condemnation of my evil ways, that I may love Your good ways.  Let neither buyers nor sellers of grammar education cry out against me.  For if I question them as to whether Aeneas came once to Carthage, as the poet tells, the less learned will reply that they do not know; the more learned, that he never did.  But if I ask with what letters the name “Aeneas” is written, everyone who has learned this will answer me rightly, in accordance with the conventional understanding men have settled on as to these signs.  If, again, I ask which might be forgotten with the least detriment to the concerns of life – reading and writing, or these poetic fictions, who does not foresee what all must answer who have not wholly forgotten themselves?  I erred then, when as a boy I preferred those vain studies to the more profitable ones, or rather loved the one and hated the other.  “One and one are two; two and two are four.”  This to me was a hateful sing-song; but such vanities as the wooden horse full of armed men and the burning of Troy and the “spectral image” Creusa were a most pleasant but vain spectacle.

Ever since I was a teenager, I’ve realized that I need to be very careful about what I watch and read.  All too often I’d find myself engrossed in a book so much that I could barely put it down during the day – and then would dream about it at night besides.  Or I’d get started on a TV show or two, and before I knew it, my whole weekly plan was made around being home to watch those shows.  And at night, there I was again, laying in bed, thinking about the characters, reviewing the plot in my head, imagining what I’d do if I were them.  Augustine too seems to have struggled with this as he tells of his weeping for Dido, the tragic character in the Aeneid, who falls in love with Aeneas but, upon his leaving for Italy, kills herself on his sword.

When this happened to me, I was generally reading good books and watching good tv shows.  There was nothing immoral or “bad” about them, but they were taking up hours of my life, not to mention the emotional and psychological involvement.  In the same way, the Aeneid is a great and classic piece of literature that is considered required reading in most schools (or at least, it used to be).  The trouble, as Augustine so clearly tells us, is that he allowed himself to become emotionally vested in a fictional story while, at the same time, neglecting his spiritual growth.

See, the problem for me wasn’t the books or the tv shows, any more than, for Augustine, it was the Aeneid.  Reading is a great thing to do, and there’s nothing wrong with watching a little tv, but when we find ourselves so involved with the characters that they start to live in our heads and we have emotional reactions to them, it might be time to re-evaluate their importance in our lives.

Also, when I talk to my kids about this,  I tell them that it’s fine to watch a little tv or spend a little time on the computer, but how much is too much?  They could be watching really good and wholesome, even educational, programs, or they could be playing good games that teach good decision making skills – all really good things – but what aren’t they doing?  If they are spending 3, 4, or 5 hours in front of the tv or computer, or even engrossed in a book, they aren’t outside playing, they aren’t using their imagination to come up with their own stories, they aren’t being creative and building things.

In the same way, if I spend my day (and subsequently, my night) wrapped in the plot of some novel, or if I am so consumed by a character that I find myself rewriting the story in my mind and spending hours analyzing their motives, what am I not doing with that time?  Would my time be better spent with a book about the Saints?  At the very least, do I spend an equal amount of time in prayer or in contemplating God and His wonderful blessings in my life?  What if, instead of planning my week around which tv shows I was going to watch, I would have planned it around times to volunteer with my church at a soup kitchen or around a devotional meeting?

Augustine hits on a common plight in the human condition.  We are all wired with this empty spot inside of us.  All or lives we seek to fill it.  All too often, it gets filled with the wrong things.  For most of us it’s tv shows, books, computer games, but for some it’s shopping, gambling, alcohol, or drugs.  Augustine slipped into a life or promiscuity.  All of these things seem like the answer, and all of them seem like they will fit, giving us a momentary thrill, a stirring in our heart, but none of them do, none of them last.  Nothing will ever fill that hole except for the One it was designed for; nothing will bring us happiness until we look outside of the pleasures of this world and, instead, seek the God Who loves us and cares for us.  Then, and only then, can we be completely happy.

Deo Juvante, Jen

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Posted by on March 12, 2014 in Confessions


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Mass Readings, Mar. 9, 2014 – First Sunday of Lent

Mass Readings, Mar. 9, 2014 – First Sunday of Lent

This Sunday’s readings can be found here.

The first reading was, Genesis 2:7-9, 3:1-7 – The fall of man; Adam and Eve being tempted by the serpent.

Psalm 51 – Be merciful, Oh Lord, for we have sinned.

Romans 5:12-19 – St. Paul relating the connection between Adam and Jesus; sin and death came into the world through one man, Adam, and is also saved from sin and death by One Man, Jesus.

Matthew 4:1-11 – The tempting of Jesus by Satan in the desert.

Father began his homily by talking about what it means to “obey.”  To obey means “to listen,” or “to hear.”  We are called to be obedient to the Father, to listen to Him.  The evil one seeks to distract, to confuse, to keep us from listening to the Father.

If we go through the three temptations that Satan puts to Jesus, first he questions Jesus’ identity – “IF you are the Son of God . . . “.  Then he attacks Jesus on a physical level, suggesting that He turn the stones into bread.  Jesus responds with scripture, “One does not live on bread alone, but on every word that comes forth from the mouth of God.”  Taking up the “Scripture Game,” as Father put it, the devil then uses Scripture to tempt Jesus a second time, suggesting that if Jesus throws Himself down from the parapet, “He will command his angels concerning you and with their hands they will support you, lest you dash your foot against a stone.”  Jesus responds with, “You shall not put the Lord, your God, to the test.”  (This also shows us how Scripture can, and so often is, twisted and taken out of context in an effort to make it conform to what someone wishes it to say.)  Finally, the devil tempts Jesus with power.  The devil, after having convinced Adam and Eve to fall, feels that all he needs to do is get Jesus to fall and then he can be in control of the whole world forever.  So, he takes a gamble by offering Jesus the entire world, if only He will bow down to him, but Jesus has had enough and sends Satan away.

Through this entire exchange, we see Jesus listening to the Father, obeying Him, through Scripture.  He is the contrast to Adam and Eve.  Where they did not listen, did not obey, Jesus does.  St. Paul refers to the fall of man as a “happy fault.”  It is because they fell that we needed a Savior.  God sending His only Son into the world to die, reveals for us a God Who is merciful, loving, cares for us, and truly understands us.

It is tempting to see God’s laws as over-burdensome.  When the devil asks Eve what God said about the fruit, she says God told them they would die if they even touched the fruit of the Tree of Knowledge.  We know, and the devil knew, that God did not mean a physical death, but the devil uses this to trick Eve.  He twists the truth and convinces them that God was being too harsh, thus convincing them to fall.

Finally, Father encourages us to take time this Lent, and always, to pray.  Set time apart in our day and just listen – listen to God speak to us through Scripture, through stories of the Saints, or just in our hearts as we sit quietly with the One Who loves us perfectly.  In the Bible we hear God command us at Jesus’ baptism, “This is my beloved Son; listen to Him,” and at the wedding at Cana, Mary tells us, “Do whatever He tells you.”  Jesus went into the desert in order to cut Himself off from the noise and chaos of the world.  We should try to do the same – cut away all that is extra in our lives, all that stops us from really listening to God.

Have a blessed week!

Deo Juvante, Jen

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Posted by on March 10, 2014 in Mass Readings



Mass Readings, Sun., Mar. 2, 2014

Mass Readings, Sun., Mar. 2, 2014

Sundays readings began with:

Isaiah 49:14-15 – The Lord will never forget us, His love is constant

Psalm 62 – Rest in God alone, my soul.

1 Corinthians 4:1-5 – The Lord alone judges us, we need not fear any human judgement.

Matthew 6:24-34 – We can not serve two masters – we must serve God alone; God cares for us and provides us with everything we need.

Monsignor said Mass this Sunday.

When a woman has a baby, she has a small glimpse of what it means to love someone completely.  If we take that love and multiply it hundreds, thousands of times, even then we can’t begin to fathom the depths of God’s love for us, His ability to love and forgive.  No matter who forgets us in this life, God never forgets us.

So what does God ask from us in return?  He asks only that He be our Master, our ONE master.  When we have God’s complete and total love, and we giver ourselves to Him completely in return, there are glorious consequences!

But sometimes things don’t go quite right.  We worry, we get anxious.  We cast judgement on ourselves (how am I doing?  what are others thinking about me?  Am I good enough?).  These things distract us from our goal.

Naturally it is ok to be concerned about earning a living or doing what we need to do, but it’s a matter of attitude.  Do we go to God first with our problems, or do we try to take matters into our own hands, determined to do it ourselves?

Maybe we don’t want to give ourselves to God completely.  Maybe we don’t trust ourselves.  Maybe we don’t trust God.  If this is the case then we need to pray for the desire to give ourselves to God.  Simply tell Him that you want to trust Him, but you can’t right now, and ask Him to help.

Each day we need to entrust all of our daily tasks to the Lord.  Commit every day to doing God’s will to the best of our ability, seeking His kingdom, and giving ourselves over to Him.  When we do this, we find that we are able to let go of all our worries and anxieties, knowing that God is caring for us in every way.

Deo Juvante, Jen

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Posted by on March 3, 2014 in Mass Readings



Confessions, Book 1, Chap. 12

Confessions, Book 1, Chap. 12

In my childhood, which was less dangerous for me than my adolescence, I had no love of leaning and hated to be forced to it.  Yet I was forced to it, and this was good for me, though I did not do well.  For I would not have learned unless I was compelled.  But no one does well against his will, even though what he does may be well.  Yet they who forced me did not do well either, but the good that came to me was from You, my God.  For they were totally uncaring of how I should use what they forced me to learn, except to satisfy the inordinate desire of a rich beggary and a shameful glory.  But You, by whom the very hairs of our head are numbered, used for my good the error of all those who urged me to learn; and my own error in my unwillingness to learn, You used for my punishment – a fit penalty for one, so small a boy and so great a sinner.  So by the instruments of those who did not do well, You did well for me; and by my own sin You justly punished me.  For You have appointed and it is so, that every inordinate affection should be its own punishment.

So like us all, was St. Augustine.  Do any of us want to do what we are forced to do?  We resist and drag our heels, and sometimes openly complain.  We all like to be independent and feel like we are free to do what we please.  The speed limit says 45, so I’m going to go 50!  Someone pushes, we shove back. Sometimes we might even find ourselves in an argument over something that has almost no meaning, just for the sake of rebellion.

But what becomes of us after all that rebellion?  Are we any better for it?  Augustine states that “every inordinate affection should be its own punishment,” so, we speed, and we get a speeding ticket.  We lie to save face, and we break trust with someone we love.  We pridefully and covetously make a big purchase because we tell ourselves that we “deserve it”, and a week later it gets broken.  It’s tempting to only look at the “big sins” – lust, adultery, theft, addictions – because those consequences are easier to see.  But those little things that we do on a day to day basis that we know we shouldn’t are often the bigger downfalls for most of us.  Something as simple as coloring our hair.  Why are we doing it?  Is it vanity?  Pride?  Rebelling against the natural process of aging?  Maybe fear?  I’m not saying that you can’t ever dye your hair or insinuating that it’s sinful, because it certainly isn’t, but what is the reason?  What attitude do you have about it?

In Augustine’s case, he knows in hindsight that he purposefully rebelled against learning.  He also sees that his teachers and elders weren’t teaching for the sake of making him a better person but rather to make themselves look better.  And yet, God made use of all these things both in Augustine’s life and in the lives of everyone who has been touched by his story – even us, reading it today!  He acknowledges that any and all good in his life came from God who, “numbers the very hairs of our heads.”  So we ask ourselves, do we rebel against God and the way he wishes us to walk in our lives or do we bend our heads and give ourselves over to Him?  Do we push back against the rules, fighting against what we know we should do, or do we invite God’s wisdom into our lives, doing our best to learn from every situation He presents to us, both the good and the bad?

Deo Juvante, Jen

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Posted by on March 3, 2014 in Confessions


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